Barbie vs. Oppenheimer:  A True Clash of the Titans

It’s An Even Match

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the most keenly anticipated contest in many a month. It’s the clash of the titans, the big weekend heavyweight knockdown featuring Mr. Atomic himself, Oppenheimer, in the one corner. And in the other, looking devastating in pink, heeeeeeeere’s Barbie!

“Joining me ringside here at this spectacular event is Christopher Nolan, a trademark air of puzzlement on his face as he looks to his fighter Oppenheimer, who as usual is deep in thought, chin on glove, on his corner stool. Directly opposite Mr. Nolan we see Ryan Gosling, dressed in pink in obvious support of Barbie, but clearly throwing away his carefully cultivated machismo.

“We’re now seconds away from this epic clash of the titans. The auditorium is packed to capacity and you can clearly see who’s supporting who. There seems to be air of frivolity amongst the Barbie supporters, obviously enjoying the moment, but Oppenheimer has a significant weight advantage and frankly, has exhibited more purpose in his career.

The Crowd is Restless

“You can tell by the solemn expressions on his supporters’ faces they’re not here for the fight. They’re here for the kill! Barbie, on the other hand, owes her right to be in this fight because, well, she’s just following a dream and her popularity has been undefeated for 64 years.

(Bell chimes three times)

“And here we go. I have a feeling that whatever the outcome, we are in for some thrilling feats of pugilism tonight. Who needs Musk and Zuckerberg slinging handbags at dawn? Oppenheimer vs. Barbie. This is what the public wants!

“Oppenheimer assumes a defensive stance, coming out of his corner with his hooded, hunted eyes missing nothing. Barbie begins with a cheerleader’s tumbling handstand, to the delight of her fans.

“She throws a few testing jabs at Oppenheimer’s chest, her matching gloves a pink blur of speed and menace. But Oppenheimer is unmoved by this play, because he doesn’t even lift his gloves in defence. They’re circling each other cautiously now, who’s going to take first blood?

“You can see Oppenheimer favouring the right hand side, it’s in the tightening of his bicep. But there’s been rumours for years that he actually favours the left, that’s he’s really a leftie, and just waiting for the perfect fight to reveal it.

“Oh! Barbie smiles and Oppenheimer is temporarily blinded by the light. So she takes advantage and unleashes a flurry of blows to his abdomen. Wow, Barbie vs. Oppenheimer is delivering big time!

“He immediately retreats and you can almost see the wheels of convoluted thought grinding in his head. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the best way to fight? So do I need to change my strategy, because I expected more support. He momentarily looks around at the crowd.

“The Barbie supporters are chanting. And his own supporters, well, they’ve seemed to stop looking with disdain at Barbie’s legion of fans. It was only a second-long glance at the crowd, but enough for Barbie to deliver a tree-chopping haymaker to Oppenheimer’s head. That’s gotta hurt. Even Chris Nolan felt that one!”

Who will throw in the towel?

“But she drops Oppenheimer like a stone. Barbie is now skipping around the ring, waving her arms around like it’s all over. Is it all over? Maybe not, Oppenheimer survives the count and staggers to his feet. Wait, he’s changed posture and it looks like he’s switching his attack to the left. He is. He’s going to use his right for his defence. I knew it. So he’s a leftie through and  through. And so let’s see if the All-American Doll has an answer for that.

“So the bell chimes for the end of round one and the fighters retreat to their corners, with Barbie stopping just long enough to flirt with the referee. The crowd has gone silent now. Because they see they have a real fight on their hands. We’re seeing Oppenheimer in distress as his trainers appear to be shouting at him. Barbie, on the other hand, is just sitting there with, could that be, a knowing smile on her face?”

So who will win this clash of the titans at the box office on opening weekend? Escapism or reality? And why? Tune in on Monday for less question marks and more answers about Barbie vs. Oppenheimer.

Inside Telecom provides you with an extensive list of content covering all aspects of the tech industry. Keep an eye on our Opinion to stay informed and up-to-date with our daily articles.